Necessary and Unnecessary Alterations: Part 1

Aaaaah, and there she is: Mrs Makeover. A thunderous gasp erupts across the studio audience upon the sight of her. She’s a vision from head to toe all dolled up in her new hot this and her new hot that, hip and fresh.   “Out with the old and in with the new!”  Says Mr Makeover as he stands upon the stage preparing to explain what’s in and what’s out.   Seated in the front row of the spellbound audience is a loved one who is now overcome with emotion as the former ugly duckling, outcast, or outdated fashion offender parades about the aisle to the stage  all shiny and new.  Aaaaah, isn’t she lovely? There she is…Mrs Makeover. If only her friends could see her now. As the host continues to instigate, the loved one is now in tears with the applause of the audience acting as a catalyst to fuel the emotionally driven presentation. Work it Mrs Makeover! Smile Mrs Makeover! Go ahead Mrs Makeover! You can now go out into the world and land a better job, better friends, and a better love Mrs Makeover.  You can now attract that man who once paid you no attention. There he is now taking note of your transition.   You can now enter circles who once forbid your existence Mrs Makeover. You can now get back at those who rejected your existence and  throw dust to the faces of those who once taunted you with years of rejection.  You can now get a whole lot of something…..or perhaps a whole lot of nothing as dozens celebrate the new you, that better you, that not so you “you”? . Lets give it up for Mrs Makeover’s ascension of all that is hip, fresh and new.  You may have caught the stench of my sarcasm and have figured out by now that I hate make over shows. I hate them with a purple passion. But my discontent with make over shows has more to do with the nature of their executions rather than the concept all together. Execute…Like the word itself, a makeover can be rooted in different meanings and intents.

 At the very core of a makeover show is the notion of change. Change for the better is always a good thing but  whether or not the  change is for the better just depends on who you ask.  This goes for most things without saying but change in itself is not always good. Don’t get me wrong; a makeover can be uplifting. It can mark the beginning of a new chapter or put an end to an old long and drawn out chapter but all too often makeovers sacrifice the things that make so many extraordinarily beautiful and unique. As an artist who appreciates beauty in all its dynamics,  nothing is more disheartening than to see  beautiful human beings sell themselves short by  carrying the weight of someone else’s idea of what and who they should be upon their backs.

So when is a makeover necessary?

As with most things, the answer tends to lie within the “why” behind the “what”. There is a great skill in helping people to find their own style but that requires knowing the difference between a necessary and unnecessary alteration. The end result of any makeover is usually dictated by perception as it relates to beauty, status, acceptance and one's definition of appropriate.   But most importantly, it will be determined by the relationship that one has with self.  Before deciding to make a dramatic alteration to one’s own appearance, a few questions come to mind:  Who are you? Where are you trying to go? Who do you want to be?  And why?  In my opinion, the “why” is critical. We must all reach a point where we are honest with self. The perceptions that we have of ourselves are often rooted in a series of shadow beliefs and references fed to us by the power of imagery, media and the need of acceptance from a particular individual or group. Even the desire to be the beheld by a particular beholder should beg question.  Often times we make assessments to the external without acknowledging the crucial foundation that makes us whole….the part that makes us authentic. Many will trade in that part of themselves with intent to "fit".  If we take the time to observe,  we will find that often times the only makeover needed is that of the internal. I find that the greatest makeovers are the ones  truly in tune to the issue or issues at hand and  successfully make a connection between  the innerself and the external without compromising the authenticity of one's being.  Granted, it’s been said  that when you look good, you feel good. But “they” forgot to mention one crucial element: “What it looks like and what it is are two very different things". Perhaps that begs an even more critical question: What is that looks good to you and why?

I am taken aback by two makeovers that I'd seen years ago. Two couples were slapped with the fashion charge of "being stuck in a time warp".  The first couple was like a walking billboard in an extensive campaign to bring back the 80's. Their somewhat ragged mullets stuck out like a sore thumb amidst the latest crowns of the turn of the century. A tour through their home was like stepping onto the set of Miami Vice with their pink and mauve lacquered furnishings and flamingo motifs. Thin brass trim  seemed to frame everything in sight as pastel colored vases, seashells and swans speckled throughout the neon lit home.   But as a child of the 80's, I remember that there was a time when this couple would have been the hippest thing walking. So why does the perception change? As a seeker of extraordinary things, I believe that if something is truly beautiful, it remains as such despite the perception of the masses. That's another story all together but there was something about this couple that reeked of stagnation and depression far beyond the external expression of clinging to what most would deem as "outdated style". They appeared unhappy and void of any zest for life. As the show progressed, it was revealed that the couple had experienced a series of tragedies and losses at the tail end of the decade. It wouldn't take a rocket scientist to figure that the couple was clearly holding on to the remnants of a better time.  In this case, the chosen attire,  furnishings and the refusal to try new things were symbolic of stagnation and an unhealthy state of mind due to a series of  traumatic incidents.  They were consumed with fear, regret, grief and their old things were like spiritual vampires robbing them of precious space, time, joy and new opportunities. But even still, the makeover needed for this couple was far beyond the external. This couple needed healing that would require a makeover of the greatest kind.  

Nevertheless, two people can engage in similar acts but the reasons behind the actions are very different. 

Sometimes a makeover is highly unnecessary regardless of our perceptions. In a somewhat similar makeover show, another couple was said to have been stuck in the 1960s.   Their home was full of Beatles memorabilia, posters of the era's leaders, and colorful peace and love symbols that galloped along the walls of their homes.  Their wardrobe was a reflection of the time all in the same with their tie-dyed shirts and large peace symbols around their necks. “Get with the times!” Says their relatives who sit in the audience awaiting for “The Change”.  Most of all, the relatives wanted their long "hippie"  hair gone and  peace symbols discarded. I remember thinking to myself:  “Why?”.  Both of them seemed happy, full of life and  appeared to be as in love with each other as the day they met.  They also owned a successful restaurant and seemed adored by the many patrons who frequented their establishment. With such a successful and love filled life,  why would one ask for the couple to "change".    Why attempt to fix something that isn’t broken?

I began thinking about a queen or a king who’s crown has been in the family for centuries. Would they throw away their crowns because they were "outdated". Would one tell Queen Elizabeth that her crown is just not with the times and that she should merely toss it away?  Of course not. Her crown is part of a legacy, a culture, and history. I can also conclude that her crown is dear to her, her family and her country.    When I think of the 60s, so much comes to mind even though I was not around to witness. But I recall the stories of my elders and the countless documentaries I'd seen ranging from music to politics. It was an amazing time in history. How is this couple's peace symbols any different from the crowns of a royal family?  Each are of value and the worth of each is a matter of personal perception. This couple's symbols had become part of a great journey in their lives. So why does this couple have to do away with the elements that seem to have brought them so much joy? 

 It is often said that we shouldn’t judge a book by its cover but I believe that we must ask an even deeper question: Why do we perceive that particular cover the way we do? Why is it that we can’t appreciate the many covers?  Why do we have a need for others to be "current" in their manner of dress?  Have our minds become so programmed to how a package should look that we have lost the ability to see the beauty of being unique?  Perhaps this mentality in fashion is just a reflection of other things in our lives equally as detrimental.   It is my belief that one’s view of who needs a makeover is often rooted in the foundation of personal perception as it relates to the quest of  approval be it by that of an individual or grouping. The type of makeover given will be a direct reflection of colliding mentalities as they pertain to self and the public. The need to have others subscribe to a consensus, a way of being or believing is a common order of the day. What else could make one happy to see his loved one made over into something that she’s not. I’ve found that when I look at a makeover show, my attention is drawn more so to the individuals who insist that a makeover is needed. More often than not, I find that the individuals in need of the makover are often times the ones requesting it of others… Externally and Internally...perhaps one that will allow him or her to appreciate the dynamic differences of others. That being said…could it be that the families and friends of Mr and Mrs Makeover are often merely self projecting their own fears of being different, their own fears of  being associated with the outcasted, or their own fears of being part of the disenfranchised or the rejected. Perhaps the applause of the audience was merely a reflection of their own anxiety and disposition with themselves. 

Fashion and all things related to the external have always been a direct reflection of society’s economic,  political, social and power structure. It’s a structure that also dictates perceptions of gender, race, ethnicity, and creed. Our manner of dress and overall being is tied to a history of perceptions and I've come to find that there is often much invested interest in “the makeover”, “the change” or “the unchanged”  on a grander scale (a controversial topic that I will cover later this summer).  Nevertheless, it is to no surprise that most makeover shows are heavily geared towards the going trends of the day as they relate to the pecking order of  acceptance by a particular group of interest at the moment. The old popular click mentality ascends well beyond the halls of high school and on into adulthood.   Most will seek to “fit” into one circle or another even if it means losing part of themselves. In the eyes of many, assimilation is the key to a better life and  it could be argued that often times there is no choice but to do so when your external has the potential to stand in the way of  employment, opportunity, social standing or the ascent along the pecking order of power. Perhaps this may also explain our views of attire.

 Like the makeover of the day, the individual appears the way that we wish her to be or perhaps need her to be.  We then reward her with praise, applause, affection and even our love and friendships.   “I approve of your existence.” We subconsciously chant all the while feeding ourselves, our egos, and deep seeded isms.    From her hair to the clothing in which she wears, she is now more like us.  She is one with us and  less threatening. We are now comfortable with her existence. As she changes, Mrs Makeover ironically becomes less of a symbol of change and assimilates to the order of the day... being the same. The juxtaposition of "change" and The Makeover is quite fascinating.  Often times,  our need for others to change is just a reflection of our fear of change. Perhaps our inability to embrace differences in attire is just symbolic of our inability to embrace our differences in general. It’s been said that true peace would come from seeing our similarities.  But nothing could be further from the truth. True peace, love and understanding will only occur when we learn to embrace and love our differences. The couple who was  forced to throw away their peace and love symbols in lieu of the latest doodles, trinkets, do-dads and must haves couldn’t be any more symbolic. All hail the new reign of  Mr and Mrs Makeover and I can only imagine the new symbols that they bring.  God help us!